Carrie O Part 1 (Emergency Cesarean)

April 19, 2012 I had an ultrasound to check on my overdue baby. I was 40 weeks and 5 days, so barely overdue but miserable none the less.

Laying in the ultrasound room, I watched the technician move her little wand thing across my belly. I watched her face and saw the minute her posture changed. I clearly remember saying "I'm about to have a baby, ain't I?" and she says "that's up to him (the OB) but probably." I nodded and went to the waiting room until It was my turn for the check up. The minute he walked in the door, he says it's baby day. Do not go home to get anything. Do not stop for breakfast. I asked him exactly what was happening. Not only was I nearly out of amniotic fluid, the placenta was starting to deteriorate. I went straight to the hospital and started being induced.

It was a long process. Long. LONG. I don't remember a lot of exact times, but I know we started around 9 AM and it was about 12 hours later I got an epidural to try and rest. I was 3 centimeters. Somewhere around 6 hours later, I was 7 centimeters. At 5 AM I started pushing. And pushing. And pushing. At 10 AM they told me I needed to go to the OR. 5 hours of pushing had gotten me nowhere.

I think about the OR a lot. I can remember my OB asking me what I felt and it feeling like I was being poked with a needle. I remember the lady at my head who wore Halloween socks in April. She's the one who held my hand and told me how the csection was going. My husband, what a champ. He sat there there through the whole thing and did his best to keep me calm. Most people will tell you with a csection You feel pressure. I would say they are liars. I felt bones grinding together and overall quesy.

At 10:40 AM the room was filled with angry screams of a tiny human who was clearly unhappy with his eviction.

I remember watching my husband stand next to his cart and cut a small section of the umbilical cord. I watched as They brought him to me and I repeatedly told him "hi buddy! I'm your mommy!" I was only given a minute or two with him before they took him to be cleaned up. While they cleaned him up, I was given medicine that made me fall asleep. I clearly remember dreaming of the color blue. I can't remember the dream specifically, but I woke up thinking about the color blue. I spent some time in recovery before being taken back to my room where my husband and son waited for me.

I was hard on myself for a long time after his birth. I felt weak, ashamed. I wasn't able to go into labor on my own. I wasn't able to push a baby out, the "normal" way. I felt like I was less of a woman because of it. I questioned if I was REALLY a mom, because I hadn't gone through a "real" delivery. It took me a while to realize it's not HOW the baby is born, or where he/she comes from that makes you a parent. Just like having family that doesn't share your blood.

Happy Mother's day to you Carrie, and thank you for sharing your birth story.

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